


If Living was the Hardest Part

by DumbGayIdiotBoy



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Boyfriends, Fluff and Angst, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito-centric, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, No Smut, Other, POV Third Person, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbGayIdiotBoy/pseuds/DumbGayIdiotBoy
Summary: Hajime gets a distressing call from Nagito late at night.Title from "It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Fucking Deathwish" by My Chemical Romance.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito/Nanami Chiaki, implied
Comments: 2
Kudos: 168





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Huge trigger warning for suicide attempt and self harm
> 
> I very heavily kin Nagito and this was written as a vent because I am, as the kids say, straight up Not Fucking Vibing

Hajime was just falling asleep when he was stirred by his phone ringing. He hesitated for a moment and considered not answering before reaching over and grabbing the phone, propping himself up on his elbow.

“Hello?” He asked sleepily.

“Ah, I’m sorry, d-did I wake you?” Hajime sat up, immediately recognizing the voice.

“Nagito? What’s going on?” He asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Hahah… I, uh, I-I fucked up,” Nagito laughed softly.

“What? Are you alright?” Hajime was almost fully awake now.

“Please don’t be mad,” Nagito giggled again. “I’m, uh, bleeding, k-kind of a lot,” 

“What, why? What happened?” Hajime asked, switching the call to speaker phone and setting it on his nightstand as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“I h-hurt myself,” Nagito replied softly, his voice somewhat strained.

“Uh, o-ok, how bad is it?” Hajime asked, grabbing the phone again as he left his room and quickly walked down the hall to the door, quickly putting his shoes on.

“Please don’t be mad,” He repeated. “Please, I-I’m sorry Hajime,” Hajime couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing, but knowing him it was probably a mix of the two.

“It’s ok, I’m not mad at you,” He said, trying to keep his voice steady as he got into his car and started it. “I-I’m coming over, alright?”

“Hajime, please, I-” Nagito cut himself off with a heaving sob. “I-I’m so scared,” He said, quietly.

“Hey, it’s alright, everything will be ok,” Hajime said, almost directed at himself as much as it was directed at Nagito. “I’m going to be at your house in a few minutes alright?” He was doing his best to keep his hands steady, holding onto the wheel so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

“Hajime, please, I’m so sorry,” Nagito repeated.

“It’s ok, you’re going to be ok. I’m turning onto your street now, alright? I’ll be there in no time,” Hajime could hear how much his voice was shaking and could barely hear anything over the sound of his own heart beating. “A-are you still bleeding?”

“I don’t know, I d-don’t think so,” Nagito responded.

“Ok, ok that’s good,” Hajime swallowed his spit, trying unsuccessfully to calm himself down. “I’m almost at your house, alright? Where are you?” He asked, beginning to park the car.

“I’m, uh, I’m in the-the bathroom,” Nagito stammered. “P-please, Hajime, I’m so sorry,”

“It’s ok, I’m not upset, I’m almost there,” He got out of the car and locked it as he quickly walked up the path to Nagito’s door. Thankfully it was unlocked. It always was. 

“Hajime, please, please I’m so tired,”

“It’s alright, I’m here, ok? I’m inside,” Hajime said. He all but ran to the bathroom, quickly opening the door as he hung up the phone.

The first thing he noticed were the bright red spots of blood on the sink dripping down the side of the basin. He looked away, focusing on Nagito. He was sitting curled up with his knees pulled to his chest, clutching his phone with both hands by his ear. He looked up as Hajime came into the room, his eyes wide and his face as white as his hair.

“Hajime,” He said, nearly sobbing. Hajime closed the distance between them, dropping to his knees and pulling Nagito into his arms, hearing Nagitos phone drop to the floor as he reached forward and grabbed onto Hajime’s shirt, shaking.

“Do you have bandages I can use for your arms?” Hajime asked after a moment of silence, slightly separating him and Nagito. The white haired boy nodded, leaning back on his knees.

“Ok, good,” Hajime said, shakily standing up. He helped Nagito stand up and sit on the closed toilet. He hesitated before gently grabbing Naruto's arm and turning it so his wrist was facing up. Hajime sucked in his breath at the sight, briefly closing his eyes. Nagito's forearm was almost coated in dried blood and littered with cuts, most of which parallel to the line where his palm met his wrist. Nagito turned away from Hajime, casting his eyes towards the ground.

“P-please, please don’t be mad,” Nagito said. He was still shaking, enough that it affected his speaking.

“I’m not mad at you,” Hajime said, trying to sound comforting despite his voice wavering. He had taken a washcloth from the cabinet by the door and was soaking it with warm water. He rang it out, turning to look at Nagito who was still looking at the ground. “You know how much I care about you,” He gently held Nagito's hand as he cleaned the dried blood off. When he had cleaned the blood he paused for a moment to make sure Nagito wasn’t still bleeding. When he was sure he wasn’t, he set the washcloth on the edge of the sink and briefly looked in the medicine cabinet for the small roll of bandages.

“You don’t have to d-do this,” Nagito said quietly, absently pulling the front of his shirt with his free hand as Hajime began carefully bandaging his arm.

“I came here because I wanted to make sure you’ll be alright, this is part of it,” Hajime said, finally able to keep his voice mostly even knowing that he was sure Nagito wasn’t going to do anything impulsive. He had stopped laughing, and seemed to have calmed down significantly since he had first called Hajime.

“Please don’t leave,” Nagito said softly, turning to Hajime for the first time since he had gotten there. His face was streaked with tears and sweat that made his hair stick to it and his face looked more pallid than Hajime remembered it being.

“Of course, Nagito,” Hajime said, carefully brushing Nagito’s hair back from his face. “Can you stand?” He asked. Nagito faintly nodded, bracing himself against Hajime as he shakily stood up. He leaned almost completely against the shorter boy as they walked. Despite being taller, Nagito weighed significantly less and Hajime was easily able to support him as they walked to Nagito’s room.

When they walked into Nagito’s room, Hajime closed the door behind him before walking over and sitting on the bed next to Nagito, who almost immediately leaned his head against Hajime’s shoulder. Hajime realized he was still wearing his shoes and kicked them off, leaning onto Nagito. They sat like that for a few moments before Nagito layed down, gently pulling Hajime’s arm so he would lay down too.

Nagito curled into a ball, resting his head on Hajime’s shoulder and holding onto Hajime’s shirt tightly, still shaking. Hajime held onto him, amazed at how fragile Nagito felt. It was hard to tell how skinny he was when you saw him wearing the baggy clothes he always wore.

Eventually Nagito had stopped shaking and fell asleep while Hajime was still laying awake, holding onto him and absently playing with his hair. He couldn’t get over the awful sinking feeling he had felt when he had gotten the call from Nagito. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, and he doubted it would be the last. Nagito had been impulsive and somewhat reckless for as long as Hajime knew him, even longer than that according to Chiaki.

He looked towards the window, seeing a small amount of light peeking in behind the curtains. He reached up, rubbing his hand over his eyes. He looked down at Nagito, whose face was stained with tears and almost completely covered with his hair. Hajime loved him so much and he wanted Nagito to know that, but he didn’t know how to show him. Hajime finally drifted off to sleep, thinking of Nagito.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Hajime gets comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hajime doesn't get comforted enough in fics he's such a sad liddle man he deserves comfort.  
> Sorry if the dialogue seems awkward, I am the WORST at comforting people so I'm not too sure how to write it lmao

Hajime woke up around noon, with Nagito still laying on his chest. Nagito was already awake, listening to Hajime’s heartbeat and lightly running his fingers over Hajime’s chest, lightly holding onto the front of his shirt.

Hajime absently ran his hand through Nagito’s hair, reaching up with his free hand and rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

“Ah, are you awake?” Nagito asked softly. Hajime nodded before realizing the other couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, I uh, just woke up,” He said sleepily.

“Hajime, I…” Nagito paused, holding onto the front of Hajime’s shirt tighter. “Thank you. For coming over last night. I know how hard it must be to deal with me,” He smiled.

“No, don’t say that. I don’t have to deal with you, I love you and I want to make sure you’re safe.” Hajime said, still playing with Nagito’s hair.

“I just… I feel bad,” Nagito laughed softly. “You’re always doing shit to take care of everyone but you never ask for help or anything,” He sat up. Hajime sat up as well, half leaning on his arm.

“Well I… I just don’t want to bother anyone,” Hajime said. “My problems just aren’t that important,”

“You know that’s not true,” Nagito said, almost annoyed. “You mean everything to me, of course your problems are important to me,” Nagiito said, reaching out and gently cupping Hajime’s face.

“You don’t have to say stuff like that to make me feel better,” Hajime said, smiling to show Nagito he’s fine.

“I’m not just saying it to make you feel better, you know I’m not!” Nagito gently pulled Hajime closer to him, holding onto him. “I love you so much, and so does Chiaki. You mean everything to us, and I know it sounds disingenuous coming from me, but I mean it,”

Hajime sighed shakily, letting Nagito run his fingers through his hair and hold onto him, feeling tears begin to well in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he had let himself cry.

“I’m sorry I worry you so much,” Nagito said quietly. “I… I’m going to start seeing someone about it. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a couple weeks,” He seemed somewhat embarrassed to admit it, repositioning him and Hajime so the shorter boy was leaning against his chest, almost the opposite of how they had been sleeping.

“That’s good,” Hajime said decisively, leaning into Nagito’s slight frame. “I love you too. You have no idea how grateful I am to have you and Chiaki,” He felt Nagito stop playing with his hair for a moment so he could lean down and kiss the top of his head.

“Do you want to stay here the rest of the day?” Nagito asked, lightly wiping tears from Hajime’s face.

“Yeah,” Hajime said softly, leaning into Nagito’s touch. “Thank you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this, comments and kudos are always appreciated. Next thing I'm posting is fuckin komahina porn so y'know. Follow for that great content B)

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any mistakes. It's currently 5:07 in the morning and I barely slept two hours last night. The next chapter will be in the morning, and of course, comments and kudos are super appreciated.


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